Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
All the doctor said was why
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
