i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
