I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
God I need to hump something, right now.
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