The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
