Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
