I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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