Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
