Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
