I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How external is "for external use only"?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize