Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
