dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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