I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
