You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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