Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
