I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
