nut hugger
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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