hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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