ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
