I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
