So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
