My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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