therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
