Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Randomize
