you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize