my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
two words: eviction party
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
