i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
