Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
