my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I AM VODKA MAN
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize