I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
