You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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