Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
