her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
this hospital has no fireball
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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