I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
