it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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