Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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