please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
