I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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