using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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