the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
