he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize