organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
