I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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