apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just found puke in my bra..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
