This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
