You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
