You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize