No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
