Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Girls should come with a carfax report
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize