i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
