That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
