hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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