I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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