Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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