some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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