I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
