3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
