I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
