SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
