let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
