like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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