YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
