I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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