I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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