oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
