My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
