you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
