now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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