Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize