your room smells of hookers.
And success
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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