Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
