Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
