He told me they were just razor bumps!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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