ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
