kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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