I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
