Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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