I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
