Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
