lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
