During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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