I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize