I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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