Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
