Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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