I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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