There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
