We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
