There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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