Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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