so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
