so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
