I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
