you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
