i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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